3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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