I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
just tell him i said nine months
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
