Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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