I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
