I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
