Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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