White coat. Heels.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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