I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
