Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
