Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
