If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
