a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
