That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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