Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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