More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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