It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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