what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Be still, my beating vagina.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
