I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
