I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
