dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
