"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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