We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You can't just leave with hair like that
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
