I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
its not stalking. its research.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
