My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
