I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
