Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
