This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
