tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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