She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
