Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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