Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
