There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
