you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
