no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
