I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
