I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
