alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You were trust falling into bushes
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
