She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
