8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We need a shit load of segways right now
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
