I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
