i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
