First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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