If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
this just has baby written all over it
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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