He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
