I feel like I'm in dance class right now
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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