The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
