I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
