she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
