how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
