On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
