So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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