Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
