Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
