but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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